TLP: Shocking Discovery - Academic Writing Found to be Terrible Writing
This article was published in The Lemon Press Issue 39, on February 16th 2019. Full issue found here.
The public was shocked when academics gave a statement over Twitter today, in which they admitted that academic writing, the writing that students are made to worship and aspire to, was actually as awful as students had secretly assumed it to be.
The tweet read: ‘I don't know why professors assign this stuff. If one of the students handed in a piece of shit like this, they'd get a failing grade.’
Many academics have come forward and admitted that even though their writing was meant to explain their subject matter, they instead filled it with complicated words and made sentences as unreadable as possible in order to feel smarter than the students who had to read it.
While students were overjoyed at this news, a few professors, who themselves have released academic papers, were outraged at the statements given.
‘This is preposterous,’ Dr Faffendronen said, ‘once you apprehended me en media res my educational disquisition, it wholly materialises to be a facetious cavort upon the cerebral erudite, indefatigable, professors of this nonpareil establishment in which we enquire the beguiling presupposition of the feathered Anserini. Now may you graciously vacate from me, I am greatly inclined to luxuriate in my camellia sinensis beverage and peruse my novella on Dissociation Altercation Alliterating Structuring Adaptation Theory!’